


Untitled

by notexactlycappuccinointheclouds



Category: White Collar (TV 2009)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Self-Esteem Issues, Use of swear words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:52:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28330428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notexactlycappuccinointheclouds/pseuds/notexactlycappuccinointheclouds
Summary: Neal thinks about New York, and Peter, and running.
Relationships: Peter Burke & Neal Caffrey
Kudos: 15





	Untitled

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on a whim last night and am now posting it on a whim. So basically no editing, no beta-reading, no waiting period to think about if this is something worth posting lol. It's probably a bad idea.

It’s nice to think about it — the possibility. You could be anything to anyone. In no small part, that’s what’s intoxicating about New York. In all the bustling crowds and the infinite anonymity, you can step into a new role, a new life, a new reality at every corner.  
That’s what attracted Neal to New York in the first place. He’d always wanted to be anyone else, so of course a city where the ‘self’ is a plastic thing that can morph endlessly was a dream come true. A dream he was more than happy to take (along with anything else the city had to offer).

Except, here’s the thing: dreams don’t come true. You can wish real hard, the universe doesn’t care. So, even in New York, he’d somehow ended up trapped. He could almost laugh at the cosmic joke embedded in that. He’d run to New York for freedom only to end up on a leash.  
It wasn’t even the leash that bothered him. The anklet was more symbolic than anything. No, what really bothered him was Peter. Always Peter. Peter saw him, and by seeing him he trapped him into being that one thing that Peter saw, the one ‘self’, _Neal Caffrey_. What philosopher was it who talked about that? About how being seen cages you into how you are seen? Mozzie would know.

Sometimes he thought about running. He’d never tell Peter this, but he was most tempted when Peter smiled at him. Every time those brown eyes stared at him and that goddamned grin showed up as if the man knew him like the lyrics to a cheap song, he had to swallow down the urge to run as far and as fast as possible. Peter wouldn’t understand. Peter was perfect. Truly perfect. Peter didn’t want — no, need to run away from himself. He didn’t have that pounding in his chest every time someone looked at him a little too long. The noise inside his head didn’t turn into a million radio stations all tuned in with their broadcasters announcing the same fucking train wreck, the walking one that Peter had the nerve to confine as ‘Neal Caffrey’.  
When Peter smiled at him, Neal would imagine himself cutting the anklet and disappearing into the city, into the crowds, into the endless possibility of it all. That’s freedom, right? The ability & opportunity to be anyone. And that’s what Peter took from Neal: The possibility.


End file.
